


Like What You Have

by KayDiggsWriting



Series: What Happens In France... [14]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Doctor Visits, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Flashbacks, Hamgelica, Hopeful Ending, Love Triangles, Much Needed Talks, OBC - Freeform, Past Relationship(s), Still bad at tagging, Unresolved Emotional Tension, co parenting, kiss!, what happens in france
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-02-29 18:57:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18784198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayDiggsWriting/pseuds/KayDiggsWriting
Summary: Alexander looked over at Elizabeth again. Picturing her instead in Angelica's place. With messy hair, a big belly, a funny walk, and a grumpy demeanor. It made more sense. He was actually going to witness those things with her. He was going to get a chance to live out all the first he missed with Philip. He spent countless nights wishing he could go back in time and do it all over and now here he was. Being given the chance to do it right. Just not in the way he hoped. Be careful what you wish for because the universe might actually give it to you.





	Like What You Have

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the wait. I wrote this chapter over and over and over and over again. I have about 10 versions of this chapter in my drafts right now. I didn't know where I wanted this part to start even though I knew exactly how I wanted it to end. I have to say I'm please with the way it turned out. I hope you will be too.  
> As always, my apologies for grammar and spelling errors. Proof reading isn't my forte.  
> Now i'll stop ranting so you can start reading.

_1\. Remove the plastic cap to expose the absorbent window._

_2\. Point the absorbent tip directly into the urine_

_3\. Re-cap the device and place it horizontally on a clean, flat surface._

_Angelica sat on the closed lid of the toilet. Reading and rereading the instructions on the box of the drug store pregnancy test while she waited the suggested five minutes for the results. The packaging was covered in friendly clouds and smiley faces. Probably to bring a calming aura to the woman holding it. It was a cute thought. Even if it didn't really work._

_Angelica felt nothing but anxiety as the seconds ticked away. Her cellphone timer showed she'd been sitting in the bathroom for three minutes. Though to her it felt like no less than an hour. She only had two more minutes until she would know if her life would change forever. One hundred and twenty seconds. Seconds that seemed to be going in slow motion with the sole purpose of torturing her._

_It was hard enough sneaking out and finding a pregnancy test in the middle of the night in a foreign country. Now she had to sit in here and wait. She'd been out of the bed long enough for her boyfriend to notice her absence. It was like he could feel when she wasn't laying down beside him. Usually she found it clingy in a cute way. Now it felt like a ticking time bomb. It was only a matter of time before Alexander would be up and looking for her._

_One minute._

_She sat the small box on the sink and stood up. Too much nervous energy was pumping through her veins for her to remain seated. She should have done this a week ago when her period didn't show up. But she gave her body the benefit of the doubt. Convinced herself that it was from stress or something. And then she got sick. At least that's what she convinced herself it was. Until the fourth day passed and she was still spending random parts of the day bent over in the bathroom. But it wasn't until an our ago that she gave into logic. All it took was a dream and she was running down stairs in her pajama pants._

_Times up._

_Angelica rushed over to the counter. Another set of instructions running through her head._

_One line means it's negative._

_Two lines mean it's positive._

_She glanced down at the test and gasped. There, as clear as day, was the second line._

_So she was pregnant. Now what?_

_Well, now she needed to find a way to tell her boyfriend. Her boyfriend who she'd only been with for about five months. What were the chances that Alexander would be happy about this? Was she even happy about it? Honestly she didn't know how to feel. This wasn't something she planned on happening so soon in her life. But it didn't feel like a burden either. Seeing those two lines didn't fill her with dread._

_"Angel, are you in here?"_

_She jumped at the sound of her boyfriend's voice just on the other side of the door. The test fell to the floor with a distinctive clatter. "Yeah!" She called back so he wouldn't get worried and try to come in. Angelica grabbed the test off the floor and shoved it back into the box. Unsure of what else to do with it, she shoved the box in the trash bin. Unrolling a bunch of tissue from the roll to put on top of it to hide it._

_"You've been in there for a while. Are you okay?"_

_"I'm fine!" Her voice was unnaturally high. A giveaway to her lie._

_"Are you going to be much longer?"_

_"I don't know, Alexander." She snapped in annoyance. Who even asks things like that?_

_There was a few seconds of silence after that. And then came a muttered. "I'm sorry." Instantly she felt like shit. He was just concerned for her. It was one in the morning and she'd locked herself in the bathroom. Any boyfriend would be worried. "I just- I have a difficult time sleeping without you."_

_That's all it took for Angelica to turn the lock and open the door. Alexander looked half sleep still. He stared at her with questioning eyes. Eyes that were so full of love and warmth. Alexander always made her feel warm. Safe. She hoped he would do the same for their baby._

_Their baby._

_They were going to have a baby. She was going to have a little Alexander Hamilton._

_Angelica threw her arms around her boyfriend. Burying her face into his bare shoulder. She could feel tears burning in the back of her eyes. Alexander was surprised but obviously pleased at the sudden burst of affection after she'd just yelled at him. He hugged her back with the same vigor._

_"A-Are you sure you're okay?" He grumbled into her hair._

_"I'm fine." She assured him with reddening eyes. "We're going to be just fine."_

 

The temperature in the room had to be dancing the line of the forties. It was bad enough that New York had started it's winter weather sooner than usual. So he had to travel in freezing weather just to get to his destination and find out there was no heat. 

Great.

No, really.

It's not like he already had enough shit to worry about. Why not add freezing to death to the list? What more could it hurt?

No one else in the room appeared to be bothered by the chill. Women, men and children alike had shed their outer wear and was comfortably moving about the waiting area. There wasn't a red nose or a shivering frame in sight. He was starting to think that maybe it  _was_ just him. It wasn't fair. He'd been away from Nevis long enough to forget what the island looked like. Yet he couldn't shake his body's preference to the warmer climate. 

"You're so nervous." Eliza placed her hand on top of his in an attempt to still him. "You're shaking."

"It's  _freezing_ in here." He ducked deeper into his pea-coat. 

"It's a little cool." She conceded with a shrug. Refocusing her attention on the complimentary magazine she lifted from the table the moment they walked in.

The cover featured some woman who was famous enough to look familiar but not enough for her name to pop into his head. It was all bright, white schemes and her holding her baby bump with a smile too stretched to be genuine. Alexander was no expert, in fact quite the opposite could be used to describe his knowledge of pregnancy. But he assumed with 99% accuracy that the experience wasn't all fluttering lashes and jumping on clouds. 

He'd seen enough movies to know about the ugly stuff. Morning sickness. Aches and pains. Swollen feet. Emotional instability. He could just imagine Angelica walking around with a permanent frown on her face for no reason other than she didn't want to smile. Her hair would be in a braid because she didn't feel like doing anything else. Wearing nothing but an over sized t-shirt since her normal attire was no longer sufficing. She'd be wobbling around the house barefoot. One hand holding her lower back because her giant stomach was throwing off her balance. Her other hand would be holding chips or cookies or whatever she might have been craving that day. She would look painstakingly beautiful still.

Too bad all he would have is his imagination of what she  _might_ have looked like. How she  _might_ have behaved. What she  _might_ have worn. He wasn't granted access to that part of her motherhood experience. In fact, if he was being honest, he'd been left out of the most important parts. Not to say helping raise Philip right not wasn't important. He still had a lot of first to experience with his son. Like his first day at school. His first haircut. His first crush. His first heartbreak. His first job. His first prom. His first time driving a car. His first graduation. And so on. Yet for some reason he was sure the firsts he already missed were more important. 

Like the first time his son's heartbeat was heard. Or the first time he built up the strength to kick his mother from the inside. The first time his cries were heard after he was pushed out of his mother's body. His first bath. His first diaper change. His first bottle. His first smile. His first word. His first crawl. His first steps. His first time out. His first friend. All the things that has shaped him into the brilliant little boy Alexander loved more than anything in the world. 

It reminded him of something his mother had told him before she'd gotten sick. They were sitting in their poor excuse for a home. Eating what remained of the goat water stew their neighbor was generous enough to bring them a bit of. Alexander, in all his ten year old ungratefulness, had complained of the meal’s lack of meat. Telling his mother that when his friends from school would bring similar dishes, it would be overflowing with goat meat and other extras. " _Alexandre,"_ His mother's voice was weary. Not from lack of sleep or physical exertion, just from life. " _A man who always likes what he has but loves what he does not have, is a man who will live a very unhappy life."_ Though he was far from being considered a 'man', he got the messages and shut up as he finished the rest of his meal.

Alexander looked over at Elizabeth again. Picturing her instead in Angelica's place. With messy hair, a big belly, a funny walk, and a grumpy demeanor. It made more sense. He was actually going to witness those things with her. He was going to get a chance to live out all the first he missed with Philip. He spent countless nights wishing he could go back in time and do it all over and now here he was. Being given the chance to do it right. Just not in the way he hoped. Be careful what you wish for because the universe might actually give it to you.

"Ms. Schuyler?" A nurse approached them with a friendly smile and ridiculously well trimmed beard. 

"Yes?" Eliza closed the magazine and copied his smile.

"Hey. I'm Jacob and I'm going to be helping you today." He glanced down at the clipboard in his hand. "This is your first visit, right?"

"Yes."

"Alight. I'm going to need you to fill out a few forms. But first we're going to need a urine and blood sample. Will you follow me to the back?"

"Of course." Elizabeth stood up. Nervously brushing the thighs of her pants.

"Do you want me to..." Alexander half rose from his seat.

"No. No." Eliza gently pushed him back into it. "I'm just going to pee in a cup and what not."

"Are you sure?" 

"I’ll just have your little lady for a minute." Jacob joked. "She'll be back in a blink and then you both can come to the back for the more private exam."

True to his word, Eliza was back quickly enough. Though it was closer to seven minutes than it was one minute. She  looked more relaxed as she took her seat. This time not bothering to flip through a magazine. She had enough papers in her hand already. Alexander silently watched over her shoulder as she filled out the paper work. Her borrowed pen glided across the pages easily enough. In a handwriting ten times neater than anything Alex himself could muster. Only hesitating momentarily on the question of the date of her last menstrual cycle.

"I can't remember the exact date." She admitted to him without looking away from the page.

"I'm sure if you just put a close enough date it'll be alright." He actually had no idea if that was true. Alexander just didn't like the little, frustrated wrinkle forming between her eyebrows.

"I'm sure you're right." She agreed without sounding convinced at all.

That's when Alexander realized that this was as new for Eliza as it was for him. Here he was stewing in his self pity party when the woman who was having his child was in need of his moral support. She was just as confused as he was, if not more so. Just as nervous, if not more so. And just as afraid. Alex had no idea how it must feel to be pregnant by your ex boyfriend who was also you sister's ex boyfriend and the father of her child. But he could imagine it didn't feel like rainbows and butterflies. It wasn't the experience that made the cover of magazines in the family's doctor's office.

 He could still see the desperately hopeful look on her face when she handed him the positive pregnancy test in Angelica's kitchen. Could still remember the way Angelica looked at him from a few feet away. Her expression practically screaming  _do not fuck this up!_ A warning he was going to heed with seriousness. Instead of possibly saying the wrong thing or even making the wrong facial expression, Alex pulled the younger sister into a hug. With her face safely buried into the darkness of his shirt he allowed himself a moment of honesty. Just a second or two where he could let the panic bloom across his features. As he held steadfast onto the middle sister he locked eyes with the oldest. A certain calmness breezed over him when he saw Angelica's expression matched his own. 

"Hey." Alex whispered gently for her attention. "I'm really fucking nervous."

There was a beat of silence before a relieved laugh slipped out of the woman next to him.

"I'm beyond nervous." Elisa wiped her free hand down her face. "I have no idea what I'm doing or what to expect. Angelica was still hiding her pregnancy from me this early on. So I didn't get to go to the first doctor's visit with her."

That was new information. "She hid it from you? But you two are so close."

"Not for long but she did. When she got back from France she didn't speak to anyone. And when she finally did she was either really angry or really sad." 

"She must have hated me."

"In all honesty, I don't think she did." Elisa finished off the paperwork with her signature on the last page. "She was angry at you. But I think part of what made her so angry was her still being so irrevocably in love with you." She shifted in her chair to face Alexander more. Making the conversation feel more private. "Do you know she didn't go on one date? She kept using Philip as an excuse for why. But she knew our parents, Peggy, Thomas or I would have been more than happy to babysit. A small part of me always thought she was waiting for you to somehow pop up and apologize to her with an engagement ring like some cliche romcom."

"Instead I popped up dating her little sister three years later." He grumbled to himself resentfully.

"Yeah." Elizabeth stared down at her hands. Repeatedly clicking the top to the pen.

Alexander mentally kicked himself. "I don't regret a moment I spent with you, Eliza." He used his index finger to push her chin up. "I mean I  _do_ wish I would have known you were Angelica's sister. I wish you just  _wouldn't_ have been her sister. That aside, you are still the kindest person I've ever met. Even during the moments when i didn't deserve it. You did nothing wrong as a girlfriend. You were never the problem."

"Not even me saying I love you when we first met?"

Alexander's chuckle made her cheeks burn red. "Not even that. You have no idea how long it'd been since i heard those words."

"I do still love you, you know."

He didn't know whether to smile or cry at her confession. "I love you too, Elizabeth. It's- That doesn't just go away." He swallowed. "But-"

"But you're  _in love_ with Angelica." She finished for him. Alexander closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see what saying those words did to her. When he felt her soft fingers wrap around his hand and squeeze, he opened them. "I know you don't get to decide who your heart wants to be with.  _Trust me_ I know."

"Eliza-"

"I'm not angry at you. I'm not bitter. This isn't some ploy for me to win you back. I didn't get pregnant on purpose-"

"I know that!" He cut her off. She'd said this same thing just days ago in Angelica's kitchen. He didn't want to hear it again. He didn't need to hear it the first time. "I know that, Eliza. Jesus! You don't have to try to convince me of that. We were in a long term relationship. We were consenting adults. This is as much my doing as it is yours."

Her shoulders slumped. A visible sign of the tension leaving her body. She squeezed his hand again. "Well,  _maybe_ a little more your doing than mine." 

Alexander shook with laughter. "That's fair. I think that's completely fair."

"Ms. Schuyler?" Jacob was back. This time his smile was less friendly and more sympathetic. He must have overheard their conversation. It probably wasn't the best talk to have in the semi-crowded waiting room but Alexander was glad they had it nonetheless. "You both can come with me to the back now. Dr. Jon is waiting for you."

They stood up together. Elizabeth didn't let go of Alex's hand so he held onto her a little tighter. Relationship or not, they were in this together. They were going to be a team for this. It may not be the future he was expecting but he was going to make the most of it. Discovering Philip brought a sort of unexplainable  happiness to him. He could only imagine the way a second child could brighten that light.

The nurse walked them into a spacious office. Dr. Jon was sitting at his desk. Typing away at something on his keyboard. He offered a nod when the two of them entered. Motioning with his head for the pair to sit in the chairs across from him. Jacob placed his clipboard on the edge of the desk before making his exit.

Alexander looked around the room. It was plain enough. There was an examination chair on the far left. Already covered in a new strip of that protective paper. The counters were lined with small boxes and bottles and jars. There was an eye chart on the wall. Surrounded by posters encouraging people to get vaccinated and wash their hands. The doctor's desk was moderately small. Able to fit the computer, a printer but not much else. 

"I'm sorry about that." Dr. Jon pushed the keyboard closer to the monitor and sat his hands in his lap. "I was just making some last minute schedule changes."

"It's okay." Eliza shrugged. "We're not in a rush."

The doctor smiled. "Ms. Schuyler, how are you feeling today?"

"I feel fine. Normal."

"That always good to hear." His eyes flicked over to Alexander for a second but he didn't address him. "As you're aware we took both a urine sample and blood sample from you when you came in."

"Yes."

"We tested both your urine sample and blood sample. Both came back negative for hCG. Which is a hormone the body secretes during pregnancy."

Eliza's face twisted into a mask of confusion. One that was more than likely reflective of Alexander's own.

"I-I don't understand."

"As far as our test are concerned, you are not pregnant.  Now we can redo them if you'd like. But I can say with strong certainty that-"

"But I-I took two pregnancy test. And they-It's- they were both positive."

He nodded in understanding. "While false positive test are rare, they do exist. There are a number of factors that can contribute to the result. Faulty tests being the number one cause. There are also more serious health conditions that-"

"I'm not pregnant." It wasn't a question but still the doctor shook his head.

"No, Ms. Schuyler. You are not."

"Alright. That's good to know." Eliza's voice cracked on the end of the sentence. 

Dr. Jon looked at Alexander again.

"'Liza," He rubbed his thumb on the back of her hand. "I-"

She slid her hand out of his grip. "I'm ready to go now." She stood up. "Thank you for your time, doctor."

"Of course." Dr. Jon stood as well. "Ms. Schuyler, if you want-"

"I really should get going." She wrapped her arms around her middle as she made a beeline for the door. 

Dr. Jon looked after her in confusion. "Have you two been trying for a while?"

"No." Alexander pushed out of his chair. "We haven't."

He rushed out of the doctor's examination room. Thankfully he walked into the waiting area just in time to see Elizabeth leave out the front entrance. A part of him was worried she'd go as far as to jump in a cab and leave him. He didn't run after her to avoid causing a scene. But he did speed walk in the same direction. It was clear she was in no state to be alone. 

She was standing on the edge of the sidewalk. Her right hand outstretched in an attempt to catch a cab. Her face was just the wrong shade of pink. Her nose and eyes were both scrunched up. A clear sign she was holding back tears. Alexander almost tripped over his own feet as he slowed to a stop.

"Eliza?" He approached her from the side. Gently lowering her arm with his hand. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She lifted her arm again. Waving at the passing cars. "I just want to go home."

A cab slowly approached but Alexander shooed the man away. "Eliza, talk to me. Why are you upset?"

"Why am i upset?" She repeated incredulously in a stage whisper. "I thought I was having a baby, Alexander.  _Our_ baby." 

"I know that but-" Alexander scratched his head. "Is that something you wanted badly?"

"Yes!" She hissed the word at him like the answer should have been obvious. And then she paused, shaking her head at her automatic response. "I mean no. I don't know."

"Eliza, I don't understand." 

She dropped her arms. Relaxing her face to free the emotion she was trying to hide. Her hands rushed to wipe the tears as soon as they began sliding from her eyes. "When you asked to meet me for lunch, I already knew what it was about."

His eyes widened. "You did?"

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. Sniffling. "Of course I did. You felt bad about the way things happened during Thanksgiving dinner and you wanted apologize. To give me some sort of closure. And I was prepared for that. Really I was. Until I started feeling sick and then Peggy suggested I take a test."

"Of course she did." Alex mumbled under his breath.

"When it said positive, I wasn't so much happy as I was relieved."

"Why relieved?"

"Because even if I couldn't have you anymore, I wouldn't be alone." The chagrin was obvious in her tone. "It was like what happened to Angelica."

What the hell was he supposed to say to that? How could he explain to Elizabeth that she would never truly be alone? Not as long as she had sisters who loved her as much as Angelica and Peggy did. Or parents who adored her. Or even him. Who would be happy to step in as a friend to make up for where he failed as a romantic partner. That there were so many other, less drastic ways to fill that void.

"Betsy, I'm so sorry. You don't deserve to feel like that."

"You don't have to apologize anymore."

"Yes I do."

"At least I'm finally out of your way now." She tried -and failed- at a lighthearted voice. "You don't have to worry about me getting in the middle of whatever you and Angelica have going on."

"Angelica and I don't have anything going on." He defended weakly. Caught off guard.

"I'm not naive. I've seen the way you two are around each other. It's too stiff and too careful. Like you're afraid of slipping up. It's so obvious you're seeing each other."

"Your sister and I have been nothing but platonic-"

"How, pray tell, do two people manage to be plantonically in love with each other?" 

"She's not in love with me, 'Liza." He said lower. It was his turn to be ashamed.

"She is." Elisa half laughed, half sobbed. "And it's so damn obvious. How can you not see it? She wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with her." She stared down at a dried piece of gum on the sidewalk. "And I'm what's holding her back."

Alex wasn't going to deny something so obviously true. Instead he closed the distance between himself and his ex. Slowly pulling her off the sidewalk and out of the way of the people trying to walk by. He rested his head on hers. Speaking directly in her face. 

"Angelica just wants you to be happy."

She nodded. Moving his head with hers. "I know that. I've known that since I was a child. And yet, here I am, not doing the same for her." She tilted her head up to take in Alexander. He took a step back to put respectable distance between their faces. "If the roles were reversed, if she wanted you but you wanted me, Angie wouldn't hesitate to let you go. She would put on a brave face and she would say it was fine. _She'd be lying_ but she would still say it."

"I don't doubt that for a second."

"Now I need to do the same for her?" It was phrased as a question but it was one Alexander was not going to answer. It wasn't his place to tell her what she should and should not be okay with. Elizabeth wasn't really expecting an answer anyway. This epiphany was all her own to have. "Do not hurt my sister again, Alexander."

There it was. Though subtle and hesitant, Elizabeth was giving her blessing.

"Hurting your sister is something I never want to do." He assured her before she had time to change her mind. "Neither is hurting you, Eliza."

She squared her shoulders. "I'm fine." 

He knew her too well for that. "You're lying."

"I'm practicing." She corrected. This time the playfulness that slipped into her words was natural.

Alex chuckled. "You are an amazing woman."

"Just shut up and give me a hug or something." Eliza stretched out her arms. "Can't you see I'm an emotional wreck?"

* * *

 

Alexander tried the knob to the front door. Expecting it to be unlocked as it always was and almost gasping in surprise when it didn't move. He rapped his knuckles against hard surface twice. Hard enough to be heard through the entire apartment. He hoped his son wasn't on the other side napping.

The lock clicked and a second later Angelica was opening the door. A solemn look on her face. "Hi."

"Hey." 

"Eliza texted me about the false positive." 

"She did?" Then why did she still look so sad?

"Yeah." She motioned for him to come into the apartment. "I'm so sorry, Alexander. I know how much you wanted the chance to watch a baby grow up. Since i stole that opportunity away from you when-"

Alexander closed the space between them. Reaching out to cup the back of Angelica's neck. Pulling her towards him and practically sandwiching their body's together. The rest of her sentence bled into silence as his mouth descended onto hers. The butterflies that had been swarming in his stomach were now fluttering towards his chest. Dancing around the rhythm of his heart beat. A warmth rushed under his skin. So intense it damn near felt like he was on fire. As he went to pull away, Angelica's own hands cupped his face. Holding him close. Trying to eliminate a space between them that didn't exist. 

Alexander stayed put. Deciding burning to ashes in that moment would be worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!  
> I hope you liked what I did with the plot. If not, feel free to tell me so (gently. I'm sensitive).  
> Sorry for putting you guys through that whole pregnancy scare. But at least Eliza and Alex were finally able to sit down and talk.  
> What do you think will happen next? (She asked with the full intent to steal your ideas)  
> Comments and Kudos are cool.  
> Until next time.


End file.
